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Sunday, June 20, 2010

Righteous Indignation

Lessons learned the hard way are lessons never forgotten.

As we continue our series of posts on having a great marriage I want to share with you some of those lessons I had to learn... the hard way.

One of the BIG lessons for me was communication.  I don't necessarily mean just having a normal, healthy conversation with my husband; I mean expressing concerns of some things I was feeling.

I am usually pretty good at this but there was a time that I let my pride come before my concerns.  I did not want to express what I was feeling because I did not want my husband to think I was jealous or unreasonable.  P-R-I-D-E

When my husband, after months, and I mean months of total agony on my part, asked me my thoughts on this issue (that I was stuffing down and not speaking up about) sister, the flood gates opened and I let it all spill out.

What's sad is about two months prior to my husband coming to me I felt the Lord prompting me to tell my husband something was very wrong and we needed to separate ourselves from this situation.  And yet I still excused it away and kept my pride in tack.

Ladies, God gives you an intuition for a reason.  We know things, that we can't know, except that we just know.  You know?

If you will allow me to be totally open with you, if it had not been for the grace of God, and His hand of protection at this time in our lives, our marriage might not be in tack today.

I can guarantee you that this will ne-va ev-ah happen again.  I told my husband I don't care what he thinks of me, I will never keep my mouth shut again.

If you find yourself in a similar situation, here is how you need to approach your spouse.

#1 Pray.  Pray for God to give you wisdom to speak clearly and from the heart.

#2 Do it at the right time.  Don't try and have this conversation as soon as he walks in the door from work.  The best thing to do is to let him know you have some pretty important things to discuss and ask when would be the best time for you to have a least an hour uninterrupted.

#3 Stay calm.  When I let the flood gates finally open, calm I was not because I had so much emotion crammed inside of me and locked up for far too long.  Staying calm and rational lets your husband know that you are not speaking out of your emotions but rather out of your concerns.

#4 Know what you are going to say.  Don't go into the meeting unprepared.  Really think through the best way to express your concerns. 

Let me leave you with this one last thing.  If you are asking, How do I know this situation is really worthy of my concern and a sit-down with my husband?

Here is your answer...  If it is something that just won't seem to leave your mind, something you are having strong feelings about and you can't seem to shake it, something you tried to reason away and yet it still remains, then call your meeting to order as soon as possible. 

One thing I will never do again is let something like this ride.  And trust me, the enemy has tried to come in this same door a couple more times.  But he is no match for a wife who has lost all her pride. 

Sometimes you just gotta get mad with a righteous indignation.  A great marriage is one that is fought for.  One that requires us to be proactive.  One that might leave us with a few battle scars.  And I don't mind a few scars.  Scars heal.  

But death, that's final.

And today, my marriage, my kids and my sanity come before any pride I will ever have. 

Lesson learned.

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