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Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Final Answer

Today we wrap up this little series of blogs on marriage. For the past few posts we have been answering the question, What does your husband need from you?

So far we have looked at these answers…

Build him up and believe in him

Respect him

Be his wife and not his mom

Protect Him

Pray for him

Although we could really look at countless answers to this question, today we are going to look at one final answer…

Continue to Work on You

If your spouse is growing spiritually, maturing, and drawing closer to God then that is all the more reason for you to be.

If your spouse is not growing spiritually, maturing, and drawing closer to God then that is all the more reason for you to be.

News Flash... you will never be able to change your mate. And as a matter of fact, God never asked you nor expects you to.

I wrote this post last June and I think it fits quite well here.

If you are anything like me and many other humans on this planet, you are a list maker. I have a To Do list that is always being added to, and when I’m lucky, subtracted from. I make lists for everything like groceries, chores for my kids, and of course those honey-do-lists.

Lists. Lists. Lists. I love them.

So today that is just what we are going to do… make a list.

Every marriage has its troubles. Every one of us has things that we wish we could change about our spouse; things that we feel make it impossible to live with our husbands at times.

You know, like never picking up his clothes off the floor. Nasty habits like blowing his nose at the dinner table; never willing to have long intimate conversations. Or maybe he forgets your anniversary. Or he's tight with the money or he's not even concerned with the money and you’re doing it all.

So stop right now, pick up a pen and piece of paper and draw a line down the center of the page from top to bottom. I want you to write out on the left side of the line every one of those issues that make you have to love him with the love of Jesus cause your flesh just won't allow it.

Remember we are not doing this for a husband bashing session. Our end goal is to make your marriage a success and you will never conquer what you won’t confront. And you cannot confront what you do not identify.

Take your time. I’ll be right here waiting on you when you’re done.

Ok. I hope you did not jump ahead of me and write on the right side all the positive things about your husband like good provider, loving father and never late for dinner.

If you did you are going to have to erase it. What I now want you to do is beside every issue on the left, I want you to write out your response to it on the right.

Do you pout?

Maybe nag?

Get angry?

Go ahead and complete your assignment.

Now I want you to take a pair of scissors and cut the paper down the middle. Rip up and throw away the left side: your husband's side.

Now look at the right side. What do you see? A record of petty behaviors, shameful practices and destructive responses?

You can do nothing about the left side of the paper you threw away. You will never change your man. But you can do something about the right side of the page. You can change you.

Take your list and pray over each reaction and ask God to give you wisdom, strength and guidance as you work on you in this marriage. Remember, nothing will ever change around you (like your marriage) until something first changes in YOU.

No, this is not a cure-all for those nasty little habits of your husband. Most likely he is a good man, not a perfect man, but a good man. And ladies, let me just tell you, we are far from perfect ourselves. But those trivial little annoyances of his won’t seem as annoying when we respond to them with the right heart and attitude.

Again, you will never be empowered by God to change your mate, but if you will take your focus off his weak areas and focus on yours you will have a strong marriage no matter what issues you face.

And all the wives said, AMEN!!

Although this pretty much wraps up this series of answers, next time I will share with you two last things I have learned how to navigate in my marriage.  Two things that all of us at sometime or another will have to manage.
I want to leave you with one last thought today that really hit home for me the first time I wrote it...

If you want the man of your dreams, be the wife of his.

Until next time,

1 comment:

Unknown said...

Another great read. TFP